Gen Z is leading the turnaround in church attendance, refuting the myth of church decline. Victor Martinez was one of 35 people who were received into the Church at St Mary’s Cathedral in Easter last year, receiving the Sacrament of Confirmation. Here he shares his faith journey.
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Four years ago, I was proudly explaining to anyone who’d listen why Christianity was a myth and a tool of control for the masses.
Just recently I found myself explaining to my atheist colleague why I’m turning my life upside down to align my life with God’s ways and the calling He has for me.
How did I go from fervent atheist to sharing the Gospel with my atheist friends and inviting them to try praying?
From mocking religious people to choosing St Ignatius Loyola as my confirmation name? Buckle up – this is my ongoing journey through faith!
Early roots and rebellion
Although I have lived in the UK for seven years, I come from Panama.
I went to a Jesuit school with St Ignatius Loyola and St Francis Xavier as patron saints – names that meant nothing to me then but, as fate would have it, would become central to my life decades later.
At 26, a scholarship brought me to Edinburgh.
The plan was simple: to study, return home and continue life. God, as always, had different ideas. I found love here and I am now engaged. I found work and Edinburgh has become my home.
But let me go back. Despite having been to a Catholic school, I didn’t just drift from God – I ran.
I became that person who proudly accepted everything ‘science’ offered to dismiss God: “We weren’t created, we were accidents”, and “love, joy and compassion were merely evolutionary tricks.”
Those were some of my catchphrases.
Feeling God’s absence
After completing my Master’s, I bounced around different consultancy jobs.
I did fairly well professionally, I was having fun, and I felt good.
Then after a while, I went from feeling great to just OK, then to not great. Then after a while, I went from feeling great to feeling just OK, then to feeling not great. I’d gone astray.
Regardless of what I was doing or where I was, I always felt a calling – a connection with humanity, a deep concern for justice and a hope for what could be right.
Yet I did not answer God’s call.
Looking back now, I see that I was building my house on sand and trying to please everyone except the one who mattered.
The faithful shepherd
Despite my stubbornness, God never left me.
He stayed by my side, despite my attempts to leave Him.
When I had gone astray and was at my lowest and most alone, He reached out directly.
I had what you might call an epiphany – a supernatural experience.
I learned there was something tying me to everyone in this world, that God was absolutely real, I had something great within my soul (God’s own breath?) and I had important work to do.
Personal transformation
Since returning to faith, my life has been transformed in ways that still amaze me.
My fiancée not only accepted Christianity but embraced it wholeheartedly.
She completed both her first communion and confirmation at the Easter Vigil this year.
Fr Robert Taylor at the Cathedral and everyone involved, made this experience truly special.
Having a Christian mentor has become transformative.
I now start my day reading the bible while drinking my morning coffee. At 3:00pm I mark the hour Christ died and I pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy.
I’m reminded of the price that was paid for me. It helps me reflect on the weight of all the wrong things I do and the good things I fail to do. This daily reflection helps me get closer to what God intends me to be.
Most of all I’ve learned not to rely solely on my own strength and understanding.
I strive to be forgiving, and to deny myself and follow Him. It takes practice and patience, but these practices help me get closer every day.
God’s signs and lessons
Strange things happen when you’re open to hearing His voice.
One day I was feeling purposeless. I prayed: “Call me to serve in any way, at any time.”
The very next day, I’m walking my dog and see my neighbour sitting outside, enjoying the rare Scottish sun.
We’d exchanged hellos before, nothing more. But something made me stop and sit down. We got talking – I mentioned that I come from Panama, raised Catholic, and how I’d recently found my faith again.
She stopped me and said: “I cannot believe you’re saying this right now! I have just been watching a documentary called ‘The History of God.’ I’ve never been religious, and I literally said to God, ‘If you are real, please send me a sign.’ And now here you are, talking to me about God!”
Following my calling
Looking back, I now see that every situation God put me in was preparation.
The lessons were specific and perfectly timed for what was to come.
And that discomfort I always felt while ignoring God’s voice; that was my calling.
He’s now leading me away from where I’ve been for many years, away from the high-stakes corporate work I thought I cherished towards work much closer to everyday people.
I am being led to helping people come together and to help them build stronger communities.
My calling has now taken a concrete shape, inspired by the understanding that God has a preferential option for the poor, that faith requires action for justice, not just charity but transforming the structures that keep people oppressed.
I think often of Fr Héctor Gallego, who was martyred in 1971 while working with farmer cooperatives in Panama.
He gave his life to trying to help everyday people gain real ownership and control of their future. I would like to continue his legacy.
My mentor has been instrumental in helping me discern and stay true to this calling.
Through his guidance, I’ve connected with networks of like-minded people – believers and non-believers alike – who are committed to serving communities rather than extracting from them.
It goes to show how much we really must bring – and gain – from participating in the Church and learning from all the great Christians that have come before us.
Setting sail
I am now aligning my life with this calling, building my new house on rock – following the habits and values I’ve learned, honouring His calling, and trusting His signs and daily inspiration.
I selected St Ignatius Loyola as my confirmation name because I believe the spiritual discipline he taught and embodied is what I need most moving forward in my spiritual life.
I pray and read the bible most days, I go to mass (though I should, admittedly, go more often!), I spread the Gospel, and participate with fellow believers in many ways.
Trusting God’s signs, I am reconnecting with key people I met along the way and pushing initiatives for the benefit of God’s flock.
I am on a quest to align all of that and the resources that God has blessed me with towards doing His work and, to the greatest extent that I can, deliver the fruits of His intentions and inspiration for me.
I’m taking a leap of faith after the Lord carried me through His Grace.
Time to put in work, stay close to His Word, keep His commandments, serve Him with all my soul, heart, and strength, and seal everything through servitude and personal sacrifice.
As the Ignatian motto says, ‘In all things to love and serve’.
A new way of being
My story continues to unfold and the transformation that comes from following God will continue to evolve.
Looking back, it all had a reason: the countryside boy who loved community, the student who ignored his patron saints, the prideful atheist who mocked believers, the lost soul God rescued in Edinburgh – every episode prepared me for this new chapter of my life.
I went from fervent atheist to grateful believer, from mocker to messenger, from lost to found – God’s patient love transformed everything.
While there is still uncertainty and the journey continues, I now know who it is that guides me. And that makes all the difference.
This article first appeared in the Winter 2025 edition of Crux, the magazine of the Friends of St Mary’s Cathedral. This year around 150 people are to be received into the Catholic Church in the Archdiocese of St Andrews & Edinburgh at Easter.
